Hoping to be Saved
by callmeasasimpleotaku
Summary: "It's all your fault!" There it was; that very sentence which is embedded on my mind. That was the beginning when my world started to fall down. I tried to get away but I just can't.
1. The Beginning of an End

_ "It's all your fault!"_

There it was; that very sentence which is embedded on my mind.

That was the beginning when my world started to fall down.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

One Sunday morning, I was getting ready to go in my best friend's house. Mikan's house seemed to be the only place wherein I could recover the wounds and injuries in my body because of my family. Honestly, we're not related by blood. I'm an adopted child and unfortunately the family that took me in is definitely not ordinary. They are seriously insane. My 23-year old sister, Sumire, would always spend her time, counting all of the distorted and creepy dolls in her bedroom and if there was even one missing, she'd totally freak out. And by saying _freak out_, like shouting in her bedroom, causing disturbance to the whole city and then she would always go to my room, imposing another injury using her sewing kit. There was even a time when she threw the whole set of needles! Damn, it hurts like hell but it was nothing compared to my other siblings.

My brother would always drink liquors which caused him to break and tear everything to pieces including myself. If I am lucky enough, he would only create a bruise on my arm but today, my flesh was torn apart by the knife that was nearby. It freaking hurts so much but if I cry or shout, it would only please that jerk even more that's why I ripped some of my old clothes and used it as bandage to wrap it around my arm. I know I can't rely on Mikan forever and I can't make up another lie just to have her treat it.

Lastly, my seemingly gentle 15-year old sister, Anna. She would seem to be such a nice and adorable little sister but that is all an illusion to hide her true personality. She used to be a great scientist, being invited to all the TV Stations, having her 1st published book when she was only 9 yrs, old, having a whole mansion dedicated for her research and with all the supporters and co-scientists there to help her BUT ever since her childhood sweetheart/bestfriend died, she cracked up. They were really close, I suppose. I had the feeling that she loves that guy. He always came over to our house and I would always hear them laughing and talking about something - logical and for the 1st time ever, I saw Anna smile. But that was also the last. Anna is the worst among my siblings, being the great scientist she was, she would always force me to take unknown and probably, leftover pills from her mansion which caused my body to weaken and sometimes, it made me feel groggy and uncomfortable.

I tried. I really tried my best to ignore them. I read a book that states that the bullies always pick the losers who always had the best and interesting reaction but that was in a book. This is reality. I had to face it. I have to, right? That's the best choice I have right now.

I swung the front gate open and there I saw a jolly female, rushing over, her hands spreading out in the air, attempting to hug me again. I didn't bring my Baka-Gun today and I have no intention of striking her straight into the head just like we were in elementary.

I smiled a little, reminiscing our past memories when we were just simple elementary students at Alice Academy.

"HOOOTTTAAARRRUUU!"

Mikan hugged me tight with no intention of letting go, I hugged her back. My instincts tell me to be nice to her and enjoy the time being with Mikan for a reason I don't know why but I decided to go along with it. Just seeing Mikan, enlightens my day; Her cheerful face, her joyful personality, her clumsiness that never cease to surprise me and her stubborn attitude that always made my day. I'm so glad that I have a friend like her who would always support me with a smile on her face. How encouraging that would be for me.

We went inside her house while she offered to grab some juice and snacks. I went to her room first and along the way, I've seen Ruka, holding his ever-beloved bunny.

"Hey" Ruka said.

I didn't respond but stopped allowing him to speak.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. I just came over to spend time with Mikan" I said, still having my usual monotone voice.

"Oh" A blush crept up on his face. His posture is changing and his eyes are rolling.

"D-d-do you want—"He stammered and even bit his tongue.

I crossed his way and said "I've got a lot of things to do"

He looked disappointed but he quickly flashed me one of those smiles. _Like I would ever fall for that prince_.

I sat on Mikan's comfortable chair and relaxed. I feel much more comfortable here at Mikan's house rather than my home. I turned around and stared at myself at the mirror. I'm wearing an ivory sweater with a small crab design at the edge, a medium-sized denim shorts and a sneakers. I'm not the girly type who would spend all their time, trashing their closet, looking for the right clothes; something simple is enough for me.

The door suddenly opened with Mikan's cheerful face coming in.

"Did you wait long?"

"Yeah, I've waited for an idiot like you"

"Aww, don't be such a meanie" She placed the tray on the table and started to eat the snacks. I got the crab brains first and ate it. We had a long and short conversations about something random until we ate all our snacks.

"Hey Hotaru"

"Hmn?"

"Let's go to the park and buy Howalons!"

**. . .**

"Please, Hotaru!"

. . .

"I'll treat you!"

"Let's go"

. . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

After Mikan bought the largest box of Howalons, we sat down on a bench. I was trying to get another piece of Howalon but then it fell down on the ground and as I try to reach it, _Shoot!_, the bandage unwrapped itself and fell. Mikan dropped her empty box and reached for my hand.

"Hotaru!? What happened!? Who did this to my Hotaru!?" She asked in a worried tone with a frown.

I avoided her eyes and shifted it on the floor. I felt increasingly uncomfortable under Mikan's steady gaze.I picked up the bandage. Mikan's eyes narrowed.

"Hotaru, are you hiding something from me?"

For the first time, I didn't knew what to say. I didn't know how to explain all the sufferings I've been through. I don't want to let her know.

I stood up and walked. I clumsily flew down on the floor and as much as I hate it to happen, the wound on my arm started to re-open as it made a contact with the hard ground. I yelled in pain. It freaking hurts so much right now I wish I could faint. Mikan immediately went by my side and started to carry me on her back.

"I'm okay Mika-"

"Shut up, Hotaru. I'm still angry at you"

I clammed up. I felt guilty. Wait, _ME?_ Now that's new. The Ice Queen feeling emotions? That's practically what I'm feeling right now so shut up. I managed to get off Mikan's back.

"I'm really okay" I tried to convince Mikan but it was no use; she tried harder to get information out of me. "I'm your bestfriend! I have the responsibility to know your troubles"

Then it _hit_ me. She's my bestfriend and yet I neglected her. I decided not to trust her. Great, I feel like an idiot.

I blurted out something unexpected.

"Mikan, what should I do?"


	2. The End of the Beginning

"Mikan, what should I do?"

I restrained myself in covering my mouth since, I, myself, was surprised on my own words and without exception, Mikan too. But, she gently smiled and said,

"Tell me your problems first so I can help you, Hotaru"

My heart was thumping rapidly while looking at her. I sobbed softly but Mikan showed no emotions of being surprised instead, she wrapped her arms around me while slowly patting my head.

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine but you can't go home for now. You can just sleep at our house tonight! I'm sure grandpa will welcome you! Oh and Ruka-"

I glanced up to look at her. She had a determined look, like she's planning to do something great.

_Confusing_

Yes, it was really confusing. I've known her for years and yet, I don't know this side of her. Maybe I did saw this look before. When she recklessly traced Natsume outside of the academy, when she decided to have an RPG for their theme, when she decided to get Yuu's and other people's Alice stones back, when she talked back to Persona, when she left the academy for good. There had been so many good things that transpired; I'd seen this look before but still, why does my heart tells that it's a bad thing?

I shook my head.

"No, Mikan. I can tell you now."

"There are no people around us and even if there is, I can just use my Baka Gun. Right?"

I smiled.

"It's been a very long time since you used it other than me. I'm expecting it!"

Mikan laughed and I chuckled a bit.

"Mikan, Thank you"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

_"I'm your bestfriend! I have the responsibility to know your troubles!"_

It played on my mind again; I hated myself for being such a stupid person. I knew that she considered me as her bestfriend but in return, do I feel the same way? I didn't know the answer the day before nor the month before, but now I know.

Mikan's fingers is entangled with mine and she gave me an assuring smile, saying 'Go on, Hotaru'

I took a deep breath and after checking if anyone's presence is there, I proceeded.

"This is something I'd never told anyone before, my life and the experiences I've gone through. Promise me. You will never tell this to anyone."

It was more of an order, less than a request but Mikan, without thinking, instantly said 'Of course'.

" I was adopted, Mikan. We may have the same last names but we're not related with each other. It was pure coincidence that I had the same features with Subaru, my elder brother. To start off, my parents, No, I mean foster parents, adopted 3 other people before my arrival. At first, they were nice; too nice to believe in them. They were once, like the people in your house; friendly and caring. We were off to a good start but then-"

Mikan gulped, her hands tightening onto mine. I squinted my eyes, remembering the event that happened a few years ago.

"My foster father got into a car accident and it drove my foster mother insane."

Mikan's face was -unreadable. I couldn't comprehend her face. I can't understand it.

"Sucks right? But that was only the beginning."

"My foster mother killed some of our neighbors and went to jail. The last words I've heard from her is

'You'll be next' "

It was enough to indicate the words formed on her mind, she was warning me that I'd be her next victim. I noticed a chill went up to Mikan's spine and even goosebumps are seen in her skin. I reluctantly sighed. This experience is too deep for her to take. She'd been basked with the rays of sunlight and happiness all her life that it became her source of hope while it was the complete opposite of mine. If I were to describe myself, I would be plunged into the endless hole of darkness and despair, left with one visible ray of light - that is Mikan.

"Mikan, if you don't want me to continue, just say so. I don't want you to end up having nightmares."

She steeled herself quickly, even though I could still sense that she's still scared, I continued.

"If that's what you say so."

Mikan nodded.

" After that incident, every single thing became a mess. All of my siblings changed dramatically, as if I were in a movie where everything changed suddenly. The three of them would always torture me like I was just a lifeless object or even a servant."

I told her about my siblings. She was so shocked that she couldn't utter a single word nor look at me straight. But when she did, she cried silently and hugged me at the same time.

"H-hotaru! I-I didn't knew that you were having a hard time!"

"That's because I didn't tell you about this"  
"But, I should have been there when he did that to you! I could've protected you! I could—"

"Shhh . . . " I placed my hands on her mouth.

"You don't have to blame yourself about what happened to me. All of these are nothing but experience everyone has to have; mine was just a little bit harsher than anyone. And besides, I have you right? That's why don't cry."

" Honestly, I'm glad that you're here, right beside me, supporting me. It's all I could ever wish for in life, so continue being the girl I used to know Mikan."

"Hotaru!"

Mikan hugged me tighter, burying her face into my shoulders.

"Whenever you're happy, I'm happy. Whenever you're sad, I'm feeling sad. Did you know that?

Did you know that your smile saved me? Do you know Mikan, how precious you are to me?"

My lips curled upward, forming into a smile.

"This will be the first and last time you'll ever hear this from me, idiot."

"About what?"

"About how much I love you, Mikan. My one and only bestfriend, the one who could influence a stoic person like me to strive harder in life, the one who made me not to give in to frustrations and the one who taught me that life isn't just darkness and angst, life can be more enjoyable, if you will only try. And that is when I'm with you. Thank you, Mikan."

"Why*sob*do you have *sob* to tell this about*sob*me now?"

Mikan said.

"I *sob* am really grateful that you *sob* trusted me, Hotaru"

_Grateful? Why should you be grateful? I'm the one who's supposed to say thank you, dummy_.

I ignored her questions and noticed the sky, children who were once playing in the playground, now going home with their mothers and the birds flying towards the sun.

"Mikan you should go home now. It's getting dark; it's too dangerous for you to be here."

"You'll stay over *sob* right?"

"Of course, now let's go."

She finally smiled, wiped her tears and dragged me.

"Hotaru! My lovely Hotaru!" Mikan said cheerfully.

"What?"

"Let's race to my house and see who is faster!"

"That's a foolish ga—"  
"If you win, I'll treat you a hundred crabs with an additional shrimps"

"You're on"

I retorted back, trying to catch up with Mikan.

Mikan dashed onto the next block quickly. The next thing I saw is a truck beeping its horn rapidly, going straight to Mikan's direction followed by a passerby , screaming and yelling at the scene in front of her.

My heart started to beat insanely as I desperately ran to that block.

_It couldn't be right? Fate is playing too much on my mind. Fate is playing on my life too much._

But _Fate_ is just as cruel as it could be.

The truck crashed onto Mikan.

_You're asking why I knew it?_

It's right in front of me.

Mikan, being crushed by a truck, barely escaping. Her eyes went to me and instantly I ran to her side, ignoring all the people's attempt to get me away from her. She was covered with her own blood with a few obvious broken arms and leg, pinned into the wall but despite all of this, she smiled. This was so terrifying; I hardly heard what she said.

"Ho…ta..ru,"

Tears are beginning to form in my eyes as I bit my lip. Her right hand slowly reaching my cheek but I held her hand.

"I…love…yo—"

_BOOM!_

The truck exploded behind her, flames trying to engulf everything in its way and once again, Mikan saved me. I didn't expect that she would still have the strength to cover my body, but she did and I can't forgive myself for that.

"Mi..kan?"

The firemen extinguished the fire quickly and separated us.

"Mikan!?"

My whole body is shaking, not in surprise but because of fear. Fear had welcomed me once again to his side as I watched my bestfriend, helplessly being dragged on the gurney. They covered her with thin, white cloth that covered most of her body. I slowly walked over to Mikan then to the nearby firemen.

"I-is she already.."

I stuttered, shaking intensively.

"I'm sor—"

"NOOOOOOO!" I cried hysterically, desperately trying to stop him from continuing as I placed my hands on his collar.

"I'll do anything to bring her back!"

"Bring her back!" I shouted.

"I'm sorry"

I lowered my head and stared at the floor.

Mikan _died_? No more clumsy stunts, no more cheerful face, no more foolish grin. Gosh, this was more disastrous than anything. Damn! Why did it has to be me!? Why do I have to experience all of this shi*** scenes!

WHY!? WHY!? WHY!?

I was too occupied in my own thoughts that I didn't notice someone coming towards me.

"It's all your fault!" A familiar voice said. My head shot up, not because of the familiarity of voice but because of the words he said.

I saw my brother, having an amused face. I tried to plaster my stoic face but instead tears streamed down. Subaru wiped it gently causing me to jerk away from him, spitting in disgust.

"Now that's how I like it, my dear little sister!"

I accidentally made an angry face and it pleased him even more.

"Yes!" He yelled.

"That's the kind of face I want to see! Full with anger, scorn, hatred and thirst for revenge!"

My eyes twitched, hating every second I'm spending with this guy. He went over to Mikan's body.

"NO! Don't!"

"Yes, I will"

He took the cloth that covered Mikan's body and smirked.

And then, I saw her face. She had a pale face, whiter than a ghost, completely different from the Mikan an hour ago. I clenched my fist, trying not to cry.

"You dare show me this, you imbecile!"

"Now that's too harsh, isn't it? u?"

I narrowed my eyes and punched him.

"You demo—"

"It's your fault, you fool!"

My eyes widened and my stance weakened, causing me to fall into the ground.

"NO, it's not!"

"You keep on denying it but in your heart, you know it is! Stop denying! It's because you told her our story, right little sis?"

I froze. Out of all people, he heard it?! My heart was throbbing rapidly while having a troubled expression.

"You h-"

He grinned so widely that you can obviously tell that he's lunatic.

"Yes and now that you know, say goodbye to the world"

.

.

_ "It's all your fault!" _

_…_

_ "It's all your fault!"_

_…_

_ "It's all your fault!"_

_"H-Hotaru! I-I didn't knew that you were having a hard time!"_

_…_

_"I'm your bestfriend! I have the responsibility to know your troubles!"_

_…_

_"Hotaru! My lovely Hotaru!"_

_…_

_"Mikan, Thank you"_

_…_

_"I…love…yo—"_

_…_

_"I'm sorry"_

_…_

_ "It's all your fault!"_

_…_

_ "It's all your fault!"_

_…_

"_Whenever you're happy, I'm happy. Whenever you're sad, I'm feeling sad. Did you know that?"_

_…_

_'You'll be next'_

_Hilarious_

My foster mother's last words were not meant for dying; she said that I would be the next insane person. And it became true when I lost Mikan.

_ "It's all your fault!"_

I felt an excruciating pain at the back of my head.

_Whenever you're happy, I'm happy. Whenever you're sad, I'm feeling sad. Whenever you die, I'll be right next to you because I'm your best friend, Mikan._

A.N. I want to apologize for making Sumire, Anna and Subaru insane, just to be safe. : )

Did you like it? Please review and tell me what you think :))

(Please check out my other stories! I will have an inspiration if even there are 2 or 3 reviews! It's more than enough to please an amateur writer like me and it also provides me a bountiful harvest of happiness! :D)

And thank you to AnimeMango and mooshy3712 who reviewed last time. I became inspired to continue the story because of you! Thank you very much! : )))


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